Six Research-Backed Strategies for Navigating Relationships When You're Gifted

Smart, But Lonely: Part Two

☘️A reminder that this March, as a way of saying thank you to paid subscribers who support this work, I'm comping one lucky annual subscriber's entire year! All current annual paid subscribers, and those who sign up before April 1st, 2026, will be automatically entered to win. I'll email the winner directly on April 1st (April Fool’s Day)—but yes, this deal is very real! ☘️

Today’s article is part two of a deep-dive for paid subscribers only. If you missed it, you can read part one here.

Last week, I covered:

• What the research says about what we look for in partners

• Who gifted individuals tend to marry, and whether those relationships last

• How our families influence our self-perceptions and expectations in relationships

• The reasons why relationships can be challenging for gifted and 2e people

In part two of this series, I’ll cover:

• Six of the best, most-researched strategies you can use right away to improve your relationships

• How each of these strategies specifically applies to relationships where one or more partners is gifted

Let’s hop in!

A brief note that this series largely discusses heterosexual partnerships, but this is by no means meant to exclude LGBTQ+ relationships. We have limited research on giftedness, even less on gifted relationships, and next to nothing on LGBTQ+ gifted populations; the discussion here centers on what research we do have.

Six Strategies for Successful Relationships

Callie¹, whom I mentioned in part one of this series, had many disappointing relationships before meeting her boyfriend, Mark.² She had come to believe she was “too much” for most people, and as a result, she had begun to tell herself:

“I just need to find someone at my level. Then everything will work out.”

I have compassion for Callie and others who have spent many years feeling out of sync in relationships. Unfortunately, though, this belief usually causes more harm than good. While intellectual parity can lead to a certain level of ease in relationships, many other variables matter just as much for long-term relationship satisfaction.

In Eli Finkel’s 2017 book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, Finkel outlines several strategies that researchers have consistently observed that couples in the highest-quality relationships use regularly. While these are especially powerful in romantic relationships, many of these strategies are effective for building and improving platonic relationships as well.

Here are six ways you can improve your relationships with others, along with the specific ways these apply in partnerships where one or more partners are gifted.